Blander Things

Deep in the New Forest (just past the traffic lights, next to the village green), you will find a shop, an emporium, filled with mysterious, magical ephemera.

This shop is BLANDER THINGS.

Willow's shop not only sells pendulums and elemental crystals; it also provides an unusual outreach service for those requiring help with unwanted visitations. Visitations of the supernatural kind.

Welcome to Blander. Britain's most haunted village. And gift shop.

An Audio Situation Comedy by Simon Messingham

Blander Things shop owner Willow investigates peculiar happenings in her village.

Accompanied by her pompous and pretentious Uncle Athos, a failed goth superstar from 80s Goth Supergroup The Leeds 6,

and acid-fried bass player Skeggy, the team investigates the weird, the wonderful and the underwhelming Things of Blander.

In Blander Things you will encounter:

The Green Goblin of Lampard Manor – terrifying nightmare or cynical marketing scam?

The Mask of Ban Y Oba - a demonic pagan mask that restores memory but possesses the wearer

.

The Druid Song of Lonely Hill - rumoured to send the singer back in Time

The Dice of Gary Smalls - are role-playing games really the work of the Devil?

Whether or not these ‘Things’ are really supernatural may never be discovered, but the enthusiastic Willow, the shallow, selfish Athos, and the not-that-bothered/go with it Skeggy, are here to investigate the fantastique, yet banal, ‘Blander Things’.BLANDER THINGS is fast and funny, about ageing, thwarted ambition and whether goblins are real. It would make a great TV series. Or film.